An Af(FAIR) To Remember

Ryan and I ventured to the Iowa State Fair the other night -

 
and I must say...

it was nothing

but

 DRAMA.

 

There's nothing quite like

*57 different foods offered on a stick
[including a stick of butter on a stick]

 *32 Mullet-sightings

 *27 noted butt-crack viewings 

*11 kids seen wearing pajama pants

(out in public)

(at 6:30 at night)

(in 94 degree heat)

*3 animals all up in my grill

*and a 1,500 pound sow

to really show off that Iowa

HIGH SOCIETY

atmosphere.

 

People watching is perhaps is most definitely
the greatest of all past-times at the fair. 

One woman in particular really amused me. 
[and by amused - I mean befuddled] 
She had such a
BOLD HEART.

It was quite obvious

that in her own little society

she was a

POWERFUL LADY.

 

She was a vendor at one of those random corner stands

that offers nothing but over-priced junk. 

 When you peddle nothing but garbage in the first place

 I'm sure it's hard to really work a crowd

 but this lady

[o wow]

she

was truly

a

STAR PERFORMER.

 

Let me tell you...

 she worked that plastic horn

just like
Ritchie Blackmore

worked the
Fender Stratocaster

in
Smoke on the Water.

Well.

 except for the fact that Ritchie nails the entire riff

while the peddler-woman knew only
the. first. three. notes.

 Which she repeated at least 278 times while I ate my gyro

in silent (but aggravated) protest.

  She 

shoulda

&

coulda

prepared ahead of time

[seriously. next time google that $h!+ lady, woulda?]

to really escalate sales

if she had been truly

AMBITIOUS. 

 

Speaking of ambitious...

let's discuss this year's

 Master Gardeners' displays. 

 I mean.

My word.

For real. 

Everything was so beautiful, whimsical and stunning.

[especially ry and his never-ending turkey leg]

The overbearing heat that threatened to destroy

our garden at home

merely left these gardens looking

SUN KISSED.

 Iowa absolutely has a bunch of

MARTHA STEWARTS

on our hands.

 

It was in the gardens at the fair that evening

where I overheard a very steamy [ and private] conversation.

I knew I wasn't alone when I stopped sniffing roses

and instead sniffed

OLD SPICE.

 

I heard the apparent lovers over near
the cockscomb bush

[which looks like this in case you were wondering]

whispering to one another in the

SHADOWS.

 

I couldn't hear everything

[not for lack of trying, mind you]

but I'm pretty sure

he was complimenting her on her

FRENCH SILK.

 

Now.

I'll have you know that while I'm no 

LADY LUCILLE...

...I highly doubt he was referring to her chocolate pie.

[We're talking

LINGERIE

people.]

 

 Based on the sounds coming from the bushes...

...they weren't just discussing

their opinions about this year's

lack of a butter cow on display, either.

Oh no.

I was hearing

straight-up

PILLOW TALK.

  So I crept up a little closer

and

.

.

.

Never mind., everyone

It was just these guys in the bushes.

(I know. I know. I should mind my own "beesness" next time.)

*********************************************

Did you attend your State Fair this year?

Do you have a favorite

GLADIOLUS

from the ones I featured in today's post?

*********************************************